If You Can’t Say Something Nice…Then Shut Your Face

So you know when you start losing weight and people start complimenting you? “You look great, have you lost weight?” It makes you feel good and keeps you motivated, right?  Yeah, I feel the complete opposite every day. Each day I gain weight and apparently it shows. My co-workers like to point it out and remind me that I’m bigger than I was yesterday.  “Really, Captain Obvious?”  I’m pregnant, that’s what happens.

Didn’t your mother ever teach you: If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all?  If she didn’t, I am sure you saw Thumper learn it on Bambi.  If a freakin’ bunny can learn, so can you!

Furthermore, don’t you think I know I look like an elephant?  Doctors say the usual weight gain in the 3^rd trimester is 1-2 pounds per week.  Mine just might be per day, and I’m ok with that.  Get over it, I did.

My first son was 10lbs 10oz, and this one is on track to be the same. So what if I make Trojan babies.  You all will be jealous when they are linemen for the The Ohio State University!

Also, is it necessary to question me when I tell you I have five more weeks to go?  “Do you think your doctor did the math wrong?  No way you still have five more weeks?”  Listen, as much as I would love to go earlier, I think my Doctor knows what’s up.  She has a Medical Degree, you do not. For the record, my iPhone also tells me my due date is the same. iPhone is all- knowing.

Lastly, yes, I do intend to work up until I have this kid. I would much rather be busy at work than sit at home on my fat a** getting even fatter (it’s January. In Chicago. I can’t go outside as it is 100 below zero).  Word to the wise: Just deal with me and ‘X-nay’ the fatty comments. I know where you live.

Don’t mess with me, I know where you live!